"When you’re afraid of being seen, you stop doing things worth seeing.” - Ash Ambirge
I saw this quote the other day, and I thought, ‘Whoa, how true is that!’
It hit me because I’ve been on a journey this summer – I ditched my day job, took time to relax, worked on figuring out who I am at this point in life and what I’d really like to be doing. Then set out to do that.
Why?
Because I was tired of giving up my life and being miserable doing work I didn’t really love, all while I missed out on the things that are truly important to me. It made me forget who I really am.
I was so tired that I was just stuck. I was terrified of being “seen,” and that seriously had me in a rut. For those who know me, I’m a Leo, I loooove attention. This was significantly out of character, to say the least.
I unwound with books for nearly an entire month, leaving the house for my youngest son’s driver training and football conditioning when I had to, and a few trips to the beach (nose in a book!). I went for a lot of walks, early in the morning and late in the evening when I was least likely to have to interact with anyone on the sidewalk (gasp! eeeek!). I grew a pretty cool lil garden with flowers, veggies and herbs in pots on my deck too.
I love my motorcycle, but I barely rode.
I adore crochet, but I did not pick up a hook.
I spent the next month forcing (challenging?) myself to go do things – visit beaches farther away from home, take a few more motorcycle rides, hang out with a few friends. I was still hiding - messages piled up in my inbox and email, and I became the person who texts back 2 weeks later.
Slowly, very slowly, being where the people are felt normal again. I stopped tearing myself apart over silly stuff (seriously, I’ve gained 20 pounds in the last few years), reminded myself of my accomplishments (I’ve raised 3 beautiful, good-hearted humans while building a successful 18-year journalism career then learning how to sell cars) and reminded myself that I’m loved.
Those things helped me feel like the new version of me (growth is allowed, even encouraged!), and I started online classes, building my website and crocheting again.
Once I was able to put myself in motion, magic happened for me!
I want to be on my bike all stinking day long while the weather is still nice! I have so many ideas for patterns to crochet and write, there’s not enough hours in the day! I want to write all the things – I’ve got so many ideas I’m carrying notebooks around the house so I don’t forget anything. And, it’s football season, so I’m excited to be in the stands to see the results of all my son’s trips to conditioning and summer camp.
It’s taken nearly 3 months, but I’m the girl who has her hand in the air, jumping up and down yelling, “Pick me! Pick me!” again. It feels much, much better.
I hope whatever your journey is, especially if you’re feeling similar to how I was, that you’re able make the chance for yourself to heal, regroup and build your best life.
